All that’s left of Columbus Day is a sale on runny ricotta … and some crappy cannolis.
As far as I can figure, somebody put dead Christopher Columbus on trial … sent his bones to prison … where he was strung up by righteous liberals.
So this is a sort of ghost holiday. It’s here … but it’s not. Another bit of Americana vanished from view because it doesn’t jibe with today’s pc jive.
Anything that offends anyone … at anytime … in any way … is gonna get the Columbus treatment.
This didn’t happen over-night. It’s been a slow creep.
Like no more birthday cupcakes in schools. Remember that? Who made up that bullshit rule? But you found a way to stick a candle in a granola bar. You felt like an ass … but you did it.
You said nothing. Nada.
So schools started pushing you around.
They outlawed Batman and Casper because they made snowflakes anxious. Christmas became a problem. Valentine’s Day was nixed, too … because love hurts in the era of #METOO, I guess.
Is this news to you?
You didn’t see this happening?
The pitchforking of Columbus started in the schools. Everything starts in the schools.
What you see in the schools today, you’ll see in the society of tomorrow. Remember that.
It’s not a complicated story at all.
Today’s teachers were poisoned there. And now they work there. Taught by teachers some of you never challenged. And now they’re back … as the new generation of teachers … and they’re on a jihad to raise your kids and grandkids … because they know better than you.
Don’t sound so shocked.
You’ll wake Columbus.
Now schools are gonna snatch kids up when they’re just three years old … so they can do an even better job of making them hate you.
Guess not … because they also stopped saying the The Pledge. The National Anthem became “too nationalistic” … and besides … it bothered the Cinco de Mayo guys.
But not to worry … kids planted maize on Earth Day … and Columbus Day became American Indigenous Day … which sounds like a shitload of boring to me. Now everyone gets exhausted on “Walk-To-School-Day” … whatever would we do without traditions?
Then it got REAL serious.
Schools went after criminals … like kids who chewed Pop-Tarts into pistols.
And doodlers who doodled a stick figure throwing a rock. They got sent home. To get help. From a shrink.
And you apologized … to the school. And hated yourself.
Tag was outlawed as too touchy. Dodge Ball disappeared. Duck, Duck, Goose, too. And Red Rover. Because a Mother Snowflake called them “contact sports”. And no one laughed at her. Or told her she was nuts. So other mothers became even nuttier.
Kids got trophies for getting out of bed in the morning … and fancy certificates for walking around the w-h-o-l-e gym. Coaches stopped keeping score … because some snowflakes-in-training would lose their minds if they didn’t win.
So you hadda work extra-hard at home to keep your own kid from becoming a social wart. But you were okay with this, right?
Musta been. You said nothing.
And now we have big babies in big bodies shootin’ silly string at cops … pounding on senators’ doors … howling at the moon … and running around in pussy-hats demanding to be taken seriously.
Your schools became the petri dishes that grew the social bacteria …
that’s infected the last two generations … who grew up to hate America.
I’ll bet Columbus is diggin’ his safe space.